


how i feel

by orphan_account



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:01:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26043142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He Tian and Mo have a talk at night.
Relationships: He Tian & Mo Guanshan (19 Days)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 62





	how i feel

The night arrived and everyone was getting ready to sleep. Jian Yi and Xixi decided to share the bed, of course, which led Mo to share his with He Tian.

It wasn’t that Mo hated him, truth be told he really cared for He Tian, maybe too much. The thought of caring so much for someone made Mo shivers, he loved his father immensely and that led Mo to suffer more and more when the bad guys took him away from Mo’s family. 

Mo knew he started developing deeper feelings than a simple friendship when it came to He Tian. The realization came that day when he feared for his friend’s life. Mo remembered the panic in his face, the way his hands were shaking and his heart pounded threatening to get out from his chest for how much it was pounding. 

What would he do with this information, now? 

Mo had never thought of being interested in men, especially He Tian. He was everything Mo thought of hating, people in power like his family took away Mo’s father from him. It didn’t feel right, but he still couldn’t stop his heart from skipping a beat every time He Tian would look at him or hold him. 

‘’We’re gonna sleep together little Mo, aren’t you excited?’’ Mo snapped out of his thought and looked towards the voice, he faced a smug He Tian looking at him, that expression Mo found irritating due to how much he would want to kiss him out of it. 

‘’Yeah yeah, don’t do anything funny you fucker.’’ He Tian responded with a smirk and proceeded to tuckle himself into bed, patting the side where Mo was supposed to sleep in. 

Mo sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, his heart was going to kill him. ‘’Relax.’’ he thought. After taking a deep breath, Mo covered himself with the sheets and slept as far as possible from He Tian, he could still be able to smell his perfume and that made him go insane, he imagined what it could have been like to be held by him during the night, to put his face on his shoulder and inhale his profume, to kiss him. 

‘’Shut the fuck up.’’ He Tian looked over to Mo with confusion in his face.

‘’What?’’ Mo didn’t realise, but he said that out loud. 

Coming up with a quick remark, Mo said ‘’I know you’re having dirty thoughts about me, stop it.’’ He tian then laughed ‘’I wasn’t, but you gave me a great suggestion, thank you little Mo.’’ 

‘’You fucker.’’ Mo said, he was blushing so much he felt his face turning red, thank god they weren’t facing each other.

‘’Goodnight you to too, Mo.’’ 

With that, they went to sleep. 

During the night Mo started moving restesly, that woke He Tian up, he didn’t know what to do. He was worried about whatever Mo was having a nightmare and had to be woken up or he simply couldn’t sleep well.

He stared at Mo moving, deciding what to do, until he heard a sob escaping from his friend’s mouth. 

‘’Dad…’’ he heard Mo say.

He Tian remembered, he remembered the time Mo puked when they went on a ‘’date’’ at the restaurant. He Tian got some background checks on Mo and knew his father was in prison, he would never tell Mo he knew. 

He Tian thought it was the best thing to wait for Mo to come forward and tell him about it himself. But he couldn’t stop himself from checking about it himself as a way to avoid anything traumatic like that ever again. That night he really feared for Mo and thought he would have lost him forever, that he fucked up big time and he would have never wanted to have anything to do with him ever again.

Another sob snapped He Tian out of his thoughts, before he could do anything, Mo shifted closer to He Tian, so close that He Tian could hug him if he wanted to. 

‘’You can, if you want.’’ Said Mo. 

He Tian was left confused, he carefully chose his words, seeing how fragile Mo was at that very moment. Dry tears were left on his face, He Tian wanted to kiss it better. 

‘’You can hug me if you want, I know you’re a pervert.’’ 

‘’That hurt little Mo, how could this be seen as being a pervert.’’ 

‘’Well you did force me to kiss you, who knows what you might do.’’ 

That hurt. He Tian remembered that day, he hated himself for kissing him without his consent. He had no idea it would have hurt Mo this much. He Tian had no idea how to act with people who rejected him.

Usually everyone would throw themselves at him, knowing how rich and cool He Tian is.

Mo was the first person not to give a shit about his money, he wouldn’t forgive his actions simply because it was ‘the cool He Tian’. 

He got to know him for who he truly was and that scared him the most. He didn’t want to be hated by Mo. 

This is why he said

‘’I’m sorry.’’ Mo turned around, visibly shocked. ‘’What did you say?’’ He blinked once, twice. Trying to make sure it wasn’t a dream and it was really happening. 

He Tian sighed. ‘’I said I’m sorry.’’ While talking he made sure of looking straight in Mo’s face, he wanted to show him he was truly sorry for what he did in the past, he was being honest. 

‘’When I kissed you, I didn’t know what I was doing. I really like you Mo. I wished I could go back and never kiss you like that.’’ He paused for a second, looking at Mo to check if he could go on or not, to see his reaction. Nothing different than shock was showing in his friend’s face. He didn’t say anything, just looked straight at He Tian. 

He saw it as an opportunity to keep talking. 

‘’I wish our first kiss wouldn’t have been like that, if you will ever like me back or want to kiss me. Of course.’’ 

He Tian chouged trying to hold back tears. 

‘’I really like you, I actually think I am in love with you. I don’t even know if you like men, I’m sorry.’’ 

Mo said nothing, still looking towards He Tian. Suddenly he faced the wall, silence was filling the room. He Tian saw it as a rejection from Mo. 

That hurt really bad, but he couldn’t do anything about it. He got rejected, but he tried. 

‘’Don’t worry, I’ll go to sleep in the other room if that makes you uncomfort-‘’ Before he could finish he heard Mo speaking.

‘’I don’t know either.’’ He said. ‘’I don’t know if I like men, I was so sure of my sexuality before you came around. Sure, I hated you for kissing me like that, it seriously hurt me, I really hated you.’’ 

He Tian felt like he got punched in the face.

‘’But… as time went by I got to know you, now I’m not so sure anyone about what I feel for you. It’s not hate. But I’m not sure if its love yet. I might like you, in that way. I’m not sure.’’ 

He tian was shocked, what was he trying to say? Did he want to give He Tian a chance? Before he could say anything else, Mo continued.

‘’I’m still confused, today I got so scared of losing you I wanted to cry. I know this isnt how I feel about my friends, there’s something different with you.’’ He sighed. ‘’If you’re patient with me, I’m willing to give you a chance, but you need to let me work on it on at my own peace.’’ 

‘’Yes.’’ Said He Tian without thinking, it made Mo chuckle. ‘’Of course.’’ 

Mo turned around, looking at He Tian in the face and saying ‘’If you do anything funny I'll cut your dick.’’ 

He Tian smiled, ‘’ I wouldn’t want otherwise from you.’’ 

‘’Creep.’’ Said Mo smiling too. 

Before going to sleep, He Tian asked Mo if they could sleep hugging, Mo said it was too soon and didn’t want to jump into it already. He Tian understood and left it at that. But slept peacefully with a huge smile on his face. 

When he woke up, he felt something on his back, it was Mo. 

He felt happy.


End file.
